Monday, February 11, 2019

When "Figure Out Life" is a Task for the Day...

When figuring out life, a fire is needed (also to keep off chills).
While cleaning off my desk in my office at school, I found a “To Do” list that had one of the items listed as “figure out life.” It was the only task on that list not marked off as completed. Who would have thought that figuring out life would be so difficult?

I’m also now questioning exactly what was going on in my head when I thought to put that down on as a “To Do” task? It was several tasks down on the list, so perhaps I had something stressful happen that day? I’m not sure. What I do know is that if I went so far as to write it down, it must have been necessary in the moment!

For me to “figure out life,” it must mean that I really want to figure out what I’m going to do besides what is going on right now. I know I have it pretty great at my current school, with just a few things that drive me absolutely bonkers. It could be much, much worse. I’ve experienced much, much worse at another school. Like many great things, they do eventually come to an end. It could be that my principal retires and we get someone fairly awful as a replacement. It could be that my role as librarian completely changes, which is in the realm of possibility, for sure. It could also mean that opportunities arise that would mean my whole career path changes. 

All of this thinking of “it could mean” does kind of scare me. I don’t have a bullet proof career, and there are many people out there who could say the same. I do have those moments where I dream of independent work, where the only boss I have to answer to is me. I don’t know if my current path through Rachel Pilcher Writing Workshops will lead me there, but I can sure hope. I know that the surefire way to ensure that it doesn’t would be to not do a thing to move it in that direction. That would be unacceptable.

I'm pretty sure that I still haven't "figured out life" yet. Maybe I should add it to my tasks every day until I do?