On Religion, God, Bible Knowlege and Being a Good Person

This post on my personal Facebook timeline was inspired by the many comments I was seeing and actually receiving after the presidential election. Part of that "Get over it, Trump won" crowd saying that it was God's will that this happened. I call foul on that. Here is the post in it's entirety, and, at the end, a link to the original post with the comments:

I am not a religious person. Organized religion failed me by constantly treating me as if I were a 2nd class citizen because my parents had the audacity to divorce when I was 7. I left the Southern Baptist church at 16 when I was told by my youth minister (someone who actually graduated from Southwest Theological Seminary, at that!) that Catholics were not Christian and that the nice Methodist family who were trying to join the church had to be re-baptized because their original church baptism, which supposedly proclaimed that Jesus was their savior, wasn't good enough for the Baptists. That family did not join the church.

Do I believe in God? Most of the time (definitely believe there is a higher power out there, but the name "God" might not be it), but I question those who use the name of God as a way to demean others because they have a different world view than they do. I don't think those people are coming anywhere close to doing what Jesus would do. Yes. I judge them with the opposite eyes they are judging me with. I have a very low opinion of people who profess to be "Godly" or "Christian" but do or say things that are decidedly not. I'd say I shouldn't do that. Neither should they.

 Don't quote the Bible to me. I've studied it from front matter to back matter multiple times (all the way through, not just cherry picking verses to suit my needs). Due to my religious education in college (Texas Wesleyan University required it to get a diploma), I've actually taken classes in religious studies and Bible history with religion scholars. I look at the Bible as an interesting collection of parables that many can learn from, but that its entirely possible any given verse has the stamp of the beliefs of some random 7th century monk with an agenda.
I believe in being good. In doing good. In not looking at things, people, other beliefs at face value, but digging deeper. I believe in science, in actual research, and in love. I try my best not to live in fear, but I do fear sometimes. It's human nature. 

 If you've made it this far, just know that I love you, despite everything. Remember, we fight with those we love because we want their lives to be better. I just hope that someday there can be a mutual agreement as to what that "better" is. I'm not going to pretend that I know what's best for the world. I don't. I will fight for an injustice when I see it, though. We all should.

Here is the original post.

Election Day: Don't Be Enraged. Be Engaged.

I was one of those who wouldn’t listen. I couldn’t possibly believe that our country would really let someone like Donald Trump become president. I was wrong. I realized this entirely too late. By 11pm on November 8^th, I knew we were in major trouble. I had to go to bed. I awoke at 2:45am in a panic. I had to check the results to see if they turned around. They hadn’t. We had a new president and it wasn’t the most qualified person. It wasn’t the first woman. It wasn’t Hillary Clinton. It was Donald Trump.

From 2:45am until about 7am, I think I went through most of the stages of grief. Disbelief, despair, sadness, then pure anger. It helped me process. It then made me realize that I was part of this problem festering in our society. I was also complacent. Sure, I voted. I felt like I did my part. It is obvious that wasn’t enough.

I will not make the same mistake for 2020, or even earlier- 2018. I will be part of the revolution. I will organize. I will volunteer my talents to change this. Living in Tarrant County, the only large city in Texas to be so, so Republican, the challenge is there. I will talk with my friends. I will make sure they understand what has happened. I hope, especially for those who voted for Trump, they’ll end up having buyer’s remorse. So many said it was the emails, the lack of integrity on Clinton’s part that caused them to vote Trump or not vote at all. I don’t know how they could look at Trump and not think much, much worse than Clinton, but they did.

I will also do my part to petition for a change in the Electoral College. “Winner Takes All” is getting to the point that it totally disenfranchises a large segment of the population if the vote is only 1-2% difference. We need to be able to split that up a bit. As it turns out, the Electoral College petitions have to happen on the State level. Each state has control as to if the Electoral College is a “Winner Takes All” or decided by Congressional Districts by popular vote in each district. So, to change this, the state house and senate must vote on it to happen. This is where who you have representing you locally really comes into play. Remember- All politics is local. I don’t know what or how, but I am going do my best to petition our state representatives in Texas to change our Electoral College system. I will work to empower other districts to do the same. For more information, see http://www.ncsl.org/research/elections-and-campaigns/the-electoral-college.aspx

I’m not enraged. I’m moved to be engaged.

Where the Cool Kids Live...

I don’t live in the “cool” part of town. In the past I constantly lost out on bids for houses in the Historic District. Finally, I decided that my little starter home, the house I purchased at 26 years old, would be my forever home. It’s old, just not considered historic by those who make that distinction. It has a rock façade, a tall, sloping roof, and one of the most beautiful, in my opinion, stone fireplaces in Fort Worth. It just happens to be about 20 yards into Haltom City. I love my little house, so I wasn’t too upset when houses with not nearly as much charm ended up not being mine.

Before my neighborhood became part of the town of Haltom City, it was its own entity, Oak Knoll Village. I recently decided it was high time that Oak Knoll got the name recognition it deserved. I started a website and Facebook page about it. There is so much history just waiting to be found out about this little neighborhood. At just 3 miles away, it’s actually the closest Haltom City neighborhood to downtown Fort Worth, so, in a way, it’s the most likely to boom with the buildup of the near Eastside, Riverside and Oakhurst area. It may finally have its day in the sun. 

Would I ever leave Oak Knoll if I had the chance? Yes, more than likely. The truth is, though, I am so used to living there, and the prices of the homes are going up, that it seems like it would be silly to leave now. Plus, my house is cute! I have room to grow by going up into the attic to add a second floor.

I truly believe that I can be the harbinger of cool in the neighborhood. I’m a writer and a publisher, after all. If someone asks me where I live, I tell them. It’s fairly centrally located. It’s cheap right now. Ground floor opportunity. The houses are all old, cottage-like structures for the most part and can, with a bit of TLC, be made to shine. We have great ethnically diverse foods (without driving further than two miles, you can have barbeque, Vietnamese, Mexican, Home Cooking, Italian, burgers, gourmet ice cream, and fancy tacos). So, come out and hang with me in Oak Knoll Village, the next great place to live!

It's all down on paper, but now what?

My last post was about reading. So much of the in-between then and now has been spent on publishing. I made a promise to myself that, before my birthday, I would have all of my “awaiting publication” books moved to “published.” Specifically, my Classroom Management for the Real World book that I published last year as an eBook would now come out in paperback. It is now.

I feel pretty accomplished in getting that task done. However, my brain has now gone to mush. I'm feeling a tiny bit overwhelmed by the tasks in front of me with events for Panther City Review, dealing with governmental agencies setting up direct sales (something I wasn't really planning to do and is now a paperwork nightmare), and trying to figure out just what's next for me. I have a potential book to publish from an author I respect, but to get started on that…it's daunting! First things first, though. I have to actually read the thing!

When I think back to why I began all of this in the first place, I realize that I've lost my way a bit. I started Fort Worth Writer’s Boot Camp as my escape from a bad work situation. I took the plunge and decided that, before I was 40, I would be a professional writer. Two months later, as reality was smacking me hard on the butt, I realized I needed a paying gig. I was contemplating my options when my dream library job opened up for me. I did not let the opportunity pass me by.

Three years later, I'm happy in my library, but I'm not writing like I should be. I am a professional, independently published author, but not of the type of writing I want to be known for. I need to get back to my novel. To something that brings out that creativity. I'm slowly letting go of extra activities that do not serve my final mission in life: to write and to publish. Getting myself back on track to what I need to do for me is of the utmost importance right now. Reclaiming a little bit here and there. Not jumping from one thing to another, but creating a stable environment to thrive. That is what I need. Really, that is what we all need to be able to accomplish what we desire in life.

Book Readin'

I usually feel an aching need to write sometimes. It burns within me and I must get words down on paper. I can't stop thinking of the stories in my head.

Today, though, I feel an aching need to read. My stories in my head aren't enough. I need the stories of others. I need my mind to expand further than that it currently contains. I need books. I need to see other people's words. Challenge myself intellectually.

So, what am I reading? The Zhivago Affair: The Kremlin, theCIA, and the Battle Over a Forbidden Book by Peter Finn and Petra Couvée. This is one of the two book club books for The Last Word Bookstore’s book club. The other, is Doctor Zhivago by Boris Pasternak. I haven't read it yet, but I really hope to before the meeting at the end of the month. It's pretty a dense read, so the non-fiction gets hit up first. I'm a bit behind in my reading because I've been working steadily on the publication of both Panther City Review and my little book, Classroom Management for the Real World, but the Prologue has me sucked in already.

Of course, I did have to stop and write about that, but I am so ready to be a reader this week. Off to my books!

Slow Down, You Move too Fast!

Slow down, you move too fast! Yes, I did just quote Simon & Garfunkel. Sometimes you just need to accept that you're going to be late and relish in that time you have available. Everyone is in such a hurry. This is not a new concept. People have so much on their agendas that they feel they need to rush to do everything and are constantly busy. I'm just as bad as everyone else when it comes to this, but I've been reminding myself lately that I just need to slow down. Take things in as they happen and don't freak out if my self-imposed (or imposed by others) schedule doesn't quite get met. 

These thoughts came to me this morning when I was driving into work. I have to drive over the big bridge connecting I-35W to westbound I-30. It's a two lane bridge, but really it merges down to one lane at the end of the bridge. Everyday, today included, people poke themselves out of the line trying to make it through the end and rush down to cut in at that merge. This slows the entire line down and actually makes these line cutters part of the problem. Today about 10 cars sped past me while in line. Now, I have to admit that sometimes I will pull over and block these people from continuing down the line. I hate doing this, though, because I really don't feel like I should be policing others bad road behavior. It does end up benefiting everyone else, though, to keep those cutters from slowing down the line even further.

The big question here is, why are these people in such a rush to be first? It's not like cutting in the line is going to get them more than even a minute earlier. My mother would say that it's just part of the “all about me” mentality. She's probably right in most instances. I think that the majority of people who do this are just running late. Yes, we can tell them that they should just start earlier. Blah, blah, blah. We've all had those times where leaving on time just didn't happen. Just breathe.

This morning, instead of stressing out about the craziness on the road, I just sat back in my drivers seat, listened to my podcast (on play this morning was The Simple Sophisticate), and took a few healthy breaths. So nice! I didn't go over the checklist in my head of everything I had to do (and in today's instance, re-do because of a networking issue). I just made my way through my travels and made it to work, safe and maybe about 5 minutes later than my posted opening time. Once I got to work, I didn't worry about that redoing of a task. I had a bit of shelf therapy (see photo above), making my library look more together and organized than it usually does after the first week of school. It felt great and I was able to sit down and work at a computer after that.

So, please, for your health, slow down! Breathe. Feel groovy.

What Are You Afraid Of? No, Really...

In my Write Fearlessly course, the very first writing prompt I give my writers is to write about what they are afraid of when it comes to their writing. I don’t require anyone to share what they write, but it always amazes me that I always come up with something different (I journal right along with the writers so that I’m not that weirdo just staring at them, waiting for them to finish). I found that I always use the same excuse as to why I’m not getting down to it, writing, and publishing my work: not enough time.

It’s easy to say I don’t have enough time because I am a pretty busy person. 10 months out of the year, I am a school librarian, which started back two weeks ago with in-service and the first day of school was this last Monday. I own a business, Fort Worth Writer’s Boot Camp, and I teach a session there once a month. I’m also working all the time to improve that business. I’ve recently started a publishing company, with the first publication coming out at the end of next month (that’s scares me to death since I know I still have so much to do on it!). Between reading, journaling, learning a foreign language, and sleep, as well as the upkeep of my house, it’s easy to see why I think I don’t have time to write.

The truth is, though, I do. I waste a lot of time. I am on social media way more than I’d like to admit. I’m working on that. If I were being honest with myself- and I’m promising that I’ll be more honest- I’m not writing because I’m afraid it just won’t be that good. What the hell!?! That’s just stupid thinking on my part. When it all comes down to it, the most important part of writing is just writing it down. Editing and cleaning up improves it. But I’m still, deep down, afraid that I’ll write crap. So I don’t. Or I don’t spend a lot of time on it. My novel I started writing in May? I’m still on chapter 1.

Never again will I use the “not enough time” excuse. It’s time to just do it.

My Summer Vacation, Or Why I Haven't Been Writing on Here!

Tippy the Kitten (Full name: Tippycanoe),
enjoying a nap

I’ve been absent from the blog for quite a while. This was not my intention at all, just what happened. It’s not that I didn’t have anything to say, I was just too busy living life, reading, doing household things (like painting all of my lawn furniture, digging a new flowerbed, and keeping up after two new kittens set to destroy my home), WRITING, doing some freelance work, and editing on the Panther City Review. I’ve also been learning French. Not well enough to speak to anyone who actually knows French, but I hope to get there someday. After all, the Eiffel Tower wasn’t built in a day!

One important thing that I decided I would not do is to allow myself to be disappointed because I didn’t get any particular item on the “To Do” list complete before school starts. I know myself and I know that I will finish things. I don’t need to put that kind of disappointed pressure on me because I know that will put me in procrastination mode. The longer I don’t get something done and put it off, the longer I will continue to put it off and feel badly about putting it off. Nope. No longer. I think the major shift in my perspective is that I realized I not only need to get things done, but also enjoy life. If I’m constantly working or worrying about working, I’m not going to relax and experience life.

So, I still have my “To Do” list. I’m currently on vacation, visiting my dad and stepmom in Colorado, and I’m relaxing, working while everyone is at work, but enjoying time with family when we’re all together. Absolutely nothing wrong with that!

PS- I did go to my high school reunion. It was fun! It took me a while to remember who half the people were- we all got older! I’m glad I went, though.

Senior Day, or You Can't Go Home Again

Today is Senior Day at my high school. Currently I have four alumni hanging out in the library, waiting for their Senior friends to join them for lunch and the afternoon festivities.  I see this every year, and it doesn't matter which school I work. The alumni come back. 

I didn't do that. What I mean is, once I graduated, I didn’t spend time reminiscing about the “good ol’ days.” For me, at least, those days were over, in the rear view mirror, and there was no turning back. It's not that I didn't enjoy high school, or that I wasn't well-liked (I was a cheerleader and in band, so I covered the bases right there!). I was just too busy doing the college, work, life thing to worry about going back. I did, eventually, return, but it was kind of weird for me. The first time was just after my first year of college. I only visited two teachers and it was after school. We spoke of how I was doing  and I thanked them for the work they did in preparing me for college. I didn't feel the need to return after that. I said what I'd come to say.

Later on I returned professionally to do some of my pre-certification teacher observation hours. It took me an entire class period in one of the classrooms to realize that this was the very same room I spent four years taking Latin and English. It was so clean. So bright. The former inhabitant of that space, back in my day, had been in the room for at least 30 years! Gone were the books and years worth of memorabilia. Then there was the room across the hall, which belonged to my beloved history teacher. He passed away rather suddenly a few years after I graduated. Instead of his classroom being taken over by another teacher, it looked as if it had been made into an office or workroom. This was just too much for me.

My last return was for my 10 year reunion. It was not really that fun. I skipped my 20th. Facebook replaced my need to see many of the people I went to school with. Now, I'm venturing into new territory. I've accepted an invite to a multi-class reunion of sorts. A dinner at a restaurant in a different city than I even graduated from. I’m torn about attending, but if all else fails, I can make my excuses and leave after a few hours. 

I don't like walking down memory lane, which is probably why I am hesitant to even go to this reunion. I don't feel I have much in common with many of those I went to school with. My number one piece of advice that I give all Seniors: Don’t come back unless you have to. It's never the same. Thomas Wolfe was right- You can't go home again.

The Day I Mowed, and Mowed, and Mowed

Yesterday was one of those days when you don't want to remember the date. It was an anniversary of something that should have been, but wasn't. I decided I was not going to let it get me down. That I was going to be happy. If I couldn't force happiness (because, really, you can't force yourself to be happy), I was going to keep myself busy. Yard work was my answer. So, I mowed. And mowed. Then mowed some more. My yard is pretty big, sitting on 1/4th an acre. My mom, who lives next door to me, has about the same amount of acreage. It took me a good 4 hours, with a few breaks in between sections, to get the whole area mowed. The great thing is, though, I use much of my mowing time to think, and boy did I do some thinking!

I've had this story idea germinating in my brain for a few years now. It was originally going to be a short film script for the Louisiana Film Prize, but the more I thought about it, the more it seemed to work for a novel. I had made note of that in the file, then sort of forgot about it. While mowing, this story popped up and I didn't want to shake it. Scenes and scenarios ran through my thoughts, and before I knew it, I was writing out dialogue in my head. I may have the first chapter written this week! It's been a while since I was this excited about a writing project. I can't wait to get to it.

So, what does the photo have to do with mowing? Nothing, but I love purslane, and I took this picture yesterday on one of my breaks. My grass is not nice enough to take a photo!

Longing for Patio Mornings

Lately, when I leave my house in the mornings to head off to work, I pass my datura bush with its previous evenings’ blooms in all their glory. They are so beautiful, I wish I could sit all morning, admiring their brilliance. Morning is the only time these lovelies can truly be appreciated since they start to unfold their trumpets just as the last of daylight slips away to the West. The bloom lasts less than 12 hours before they shrivel up, so my glances as I get into my car are about the only ones I get unless it's the weekend.  

This morning in particular, with the damp drops left over from an overnight rain, this bloom caught my attention and stopped me in my tracks. It glistened, glowing from within. I wanted so badly to have a seat, smell the dewy earth, and enjoy the morning. I wanted so badly to stay home and write. School will be out in just a few short weeks. I hope Ms. Datura saves some blooms back for me to see in June!

While Houston Was Flooding, Ideas Were Flowing

Credit: https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/
when-social-media-becomes-insanity-dennis-kabbedijk-rdm

I’m back at the Library after 7 days of conferencing: Texas Library Association’s Annual Conference in Houston (where all my family was afraid I was going to float away) and DFW Writers Conference in my hometown of Fort Worth. I won’t really have any kind of downtime until Saturday, if I don’t find something to do in that time, as well (apparently this weekend there is this fantastic Lavender Festival at Becker Vineyards, down near Fredericksburg…hmm).

The conferencing has really stirred up those creative juices in me. Being around all those authors at TLA and all of the writing sessions at DFWCon, just really put me in the mood to get to it when it comes to my writing. Unfortunately, the moment that I got back into my real, working world, everything has come to a screeching halt.

Being away from work for 5 days does something to me. It makes me forget that there are so many duties that must be accomplished before I rest and work on the dream. Trying to even attempt to be creative during this time has just frustrated me. It’s only Tuesday and I feel I’ve gotten zero done towards my goals for the week. It doesn’t help that I am a high school librarian, it’s time to buy prom tickets, and my Seniors and Juniors must clear their fines with me before they can buy their tickets. When you have little girls crying because they didn’t realize if they never returned books, they would eventually get marked lost, and their fees now include 4 lost books!

Okay, so I did do one thing to help kick me in the butt to get things done- I linked all my social media to my webpage and my business page. It may not seem like much, but I really need to at least look like I’m a professional at this writing business, right? At both conferences, the importance of social media was made apparent. Building a platform where people can find and follow you is so vital to a business, a writer, and a program. I finally got it. It finally clicked.

So, I ask if you are reading this right now, please follow me on Twitter, Instagram, or even Pinterest (where you really get to see the deep recesses of a persons’ thought processes!). The links are at the top right hand side of this page. I’m still working on the LinkedIn widget, but I’ll get there. An author page for Facebook isn’t far behind. Let’s connect!

Giving up isn't a necessarily bad thing…

The quote to the left by Danielle LaPorte  showed up in my inbox this morning. Most of her Truthbombs do resonate, but there are a few that hit me like a bag of bricks at just the right time I need someone to swing that bag. I journaled this morning about walking away from an idea and an action that I needed to give up on months ago. It really has been a major block in my life. Without going into detail, they were thoughts that were weighing heavily on my mind and becoming compulsively obsessive, taking way too much of my waking, and sometimes sleeping, hours. It was definitely holding me back, keeping me from moving forward, and absolutely blocking me from even thinking about writing. I need to honor myself and catch up to where my life is leading me. I need to walk away. Let go.

I realize I write quite a bit about letting go. It's so important to move on from whatever is holding you back, though. Holding on to that memory, idea, or wish that things could be different keep you from moving forward. I'm not a therapist, but I've spent many an hour reading books by women who felt they were at their bottom, but end up rising far beyond where they ever thought they'd be. The only way they accomplished this was by letting go of the “thing” binding them to the past. I write about letting go because I hope to be able to do so one day. Soon. Maybe today.

What I’ve Been Reading…

Recently I finished the book Paris Letters by JaniceMacLeod. It's a memoir focusing on Janice’s life before deciding to leave her job and what happened after she got to Paris. I love it when I find a really well written memoir, because they aren’t always as interesting as the author would like for you to think they are. Janice is actually quite an inspiration to me. I don't think that I'll ever move to Paris (you never know, though!), but I do like what she did to prepare for her life there. I mean, she got all her worldly possessions down to one suitcase! Seriously.

Janice's story is more than about the paring down of “things.” It's about the self-discovery you make when you get rid of all the distractions blocking your way. She was able to create the life she didn't know she always wanted by using the skills she built up over the years from personal loves, like creating art, to the marketing of her art- a skill she picked up in her days spent as a copywriter.

What Paris Letters did for me was to solidify that I really can use my experiences to build the life I want to live. I've already begun to outline, make plans, and pare down on the things in my life that will be a distraction for me to become the person I want to be. While I won’t do everything on her list, which she kindly provides in the back pages of the book, I will start to really work on becoming the woman I desire to be. That self-discovery happened a while ago, I just need a gentle reminder sometimes. And who knows…maybe I will move to Paris someday!

Too Much Unfinished Work...But That Will Change

Last week was Spring Break for my school district. It was not a time for doddling for me, though. Unlike my ginger kitty, Ginji, I didn't laze around all day napping. I was super busy! My yard received some much needed attention, with new plants planted and the greenhouse getting emptied. The house...well, it's a constant work in progress. I did get rest, but the time change has severely thrown my sleeping patterns for a loop- it's amazing how moving up just one little hour can do that!

Happily, this week will end with The Wildcatter Exchange Festival. Quite a bit of hard work, sweat and tears (literal on all accounts) has gone in to making this festival a success. Joe Lansdale, the author of the Hap and Leonard novels, will be there. My Writers Critique Group with Fort Worth Writer's Boot Camp contributed to the companion book on Fort Worth's Giants of Jazz. I was also the editor, so this book means so much to me. If you're from Fort Worth, like jazz, or like me, you should buy a copy.

I noticed just before I started writing this entry that I had about 6 unfinished potential blog posts waiting in my Blog folder. I don't know the extent of the completed-ness of any of these, but I can guess that there isn't much to them. I'll check, though...may be something great I need to share!

As for how my writing is going, I can say this- I am feeling more and more like someone who can start writing again. I'm getting excited about the prospect of starting my little publishing company. I'm going to be able to make that dream of mine happen. I don't have huge, "Get Published by Random House" dreams. Just maybe get one of my books, or one of those I published, recognized by the Texas Institute of Letters. Well, that would be a big deal!

Watering My Garden...

This weekend was a productive one for me. I’ve been working on many projects, but I finally got around to editing submissions for the Fort Worth Jazz biography book I'm working on for Wildcatter Exchange. I'm also a contributing writer to this project, and just submitted one of my entries and finally convinced another musician to let me write his bio. I'm hoping to have that complete either tomorrow or Thursday.

It's strange, but editing the short bios and completing one has spurred my creative bug and got my mind spinning on projects that have laid dormant for quite a while, including my novel! Just the fact that I'm thinking about writing again and not having anxiety about it is a very good thing, indeed. I am definitely coming out of the fog I've been in for several months. I truly let my emotions block me where my writing is concerned, so I must work to either guard my emotions, or better yet, make those emotions work for me in a productive way. 

I'm about to enter what I predict to be the busiest time of the year for me. Every organization I am a part of will have something going on starting this weekend (January 23rd) until mid-April. I will be working on the Texas Media Awards hot and heavy until TLA in April (I'll be in Austin this weekend to sort entries). Next weekend I'm presenting at the Fort Worth ISD Technology Conference. Wildcatter Exchange is the weekend of March 25-26th, so I'll have meetings galore (and more bios to edit) between now and then. Of course, every “free” weekend I have will be scheduled with writing sessions at Fort Worth Writer’s Boot Camp. That leaves me precious little time for my own writing or reading (or really anything else…like laundry!). Keeping busy, though, is the best cure for the emotional takeover. My idle mind sinks into depression if it doesn't have multiple projects going on at once.

Oh, and then there is the publishing company I'm probably going to start in May…

What else can I come up with to keep me busy?

The New Year Brings New Light

I've been absent, but not because I was too busy writing away on my novel. Writers block has struck my household. I've been in a funk since Thanksgiving. It was the worst case of blockage that I've ever had. It was even a struggle to think of anything to write in my journal, which I've done almost every day for about 5 years. It has been depressing and miserable, mostly because my mind has been wandering to the dark recesses, thinking every negative thought it could.

Yesterday, being New Year’s Day and all, I put a prayer out into the universe. This year will be brighter and more productive than the last. I've forgiven myself for my month of darkness and will now focus on the light of new beginnings. The decision to turn it around is mine and mine alone. I choose to be happy!